To anyone who finds themselves in endless meetings, not really paying attention –there is hope! But the solution is not as easy as you might think. The knowing-doing gap is hard to overcome. If it weren’t, we would all be hitting the gym regularly and socking away money for retirement.
Read moreI am not a gratitude machine →
As much as I am a proponent of gratitude, I have not mastered my practice. I believe in the power and have the desire, yet find myself falling short of my own expectations.
Read moreThere is more to story than meets the ear →
I set out to explore what is so powerful about story and how does it bring people together. Along the way, I learned the truth about story.
Read moreHow to use your story to connect at work →
Your story is powerful when you move beyond knowing it and into sharing it. It is useful in work environments where there aren't many organic opportunities to go beyond surface-level interaction. This post offers ways to leverage your story in the office.
Read moreEight ways to find your story →
Real story has the power to forge and deepen connection. Eight ways to get started on finding your own story.
Read moreDo you give good mentor? →
Mentorship is important for career advancement. The benefits multiply when each side knows what they bring and get from the relationship.
Read moreWhy is it so daunting to declare long-term goals? →
It can seem daunting to declare long-term goals. It doesn’t have to be that way. I liken goal setting to declaring a major in college, helpful and not permanent.
Read morePut your snuggie away and find some allies →
I drove by a construction site on my way to work this morning. The crew was building a beautiful office building – there were trucks and people coming and going.
A piece of safety equipment caught my attention.
It was a cone that read: ‘Danger, men working above’.
On the surface, it was accurate. I should be careful, and the people working above the sign were men. It also made me consider how it would feel to be one of the few women working on the site. To walk by an overt reminder that you are different. Every day.
In corporate America, the signs are not so obvious. The reminders come in the form of statistics on the number of women CEOs, or articles about how it is harder for women to get venture funding. Or by counting the number of women sitting around the conference table in a meeting. Different symbols, same message.
Building blocks for progress
We can do better. The good news is, the building blocks for progress are there. I talk about inclusion a lot and have found that most people:
Have good intentions. I have yet to find someone who purposefully creates a culture of exclusion. When teams end up this way it is unintentional or the result of narrow thinking.
Have experienced ‘otherness’. Sometimes the source is not visible. It can come from differences in country of origin, upbringing, education, sexual orientation. Really anything has the potential to make people feel like they are in or out.
These things are true for both men and women – so, what can we do together to make real progress?
See everyone as an ally. Because we all have experienced ‘otherness’, everyone is a potential ally. I recently gave a book on how women experience the workplace to some of my male colleagues along with a note asking them explicitly to be allies. This sparked great conversation, and brought a bigger group into the solution.
Start with facts, not judgment. This might look like starting a conversation on how we can get to gender balance for our college hire class by showing that more than 50% of graduates are women and brainstorming how we can get our fair share.
Don’t forget the big picture. I fall victim to this. I see little moments of exclusion and start having fatalistic thoughts about society careening back to the 1950’s. Sometimes I end up on the floor – in my Snuggie (yes, this has happened at work, not my proudest moment).
I have to remind myself that we are making progress, and it is my job to keep the conversation going. Then I put the Snuggie away and get back to work.
Overcoming #fearface →
I can feel it coming….the dread bubbling up inside and all of a sudden, I know it is showing up in the most public way possible. On my face. I call it #fearface, which is an acute version of impostor syndrome.
For me, #fearface has a habit of showing up in two situations.
The first is, without fail, when I go through a customs & immigration checkpoint. I worry that I will flub answers to ‘where were you born’ and ‘how long are you staying’. At the window, I have a moment of panic, my mind goes to the worst-case scenario: they won’t let me into the country and will take away my identification documents and put me in customs jail FOREVER. And then, #fearface.
Granted, I have never actually done anything to warrant this treatment, but my compulsive watching of the show “Locked Up Abroad” did not help matters. Luckily my face has yet to prevent me from successfully traveling, and likely provides some laughs for whoever monitors the video footage.
The second (and more reasonable) instance is when I’m about to do something that I’m not quite sure I can, or want to do. ‘Past Katie’ often signs ‘Future Katie’ up for things without evaluating where they will fall in her comfort zone. Great for learning and growth, not so great for avoiding potential embarrassment.
A recent example:
I was asked to moderate a panel at a launch party for a new office location. The panel participants (architects, design experts and business leaders) and I would discuss workspace in front of an audience of several hundred people, and possibly a few media outlets.
Past Katie: “I’m flattered that they asked, this sounds exciting! Go for it, you’ve never
moderated a panel before!”
Present Katie: “You’ve never moderated a panel before….remind me why you thought
this was such a good idea? Well, I guess we’re committed so let’s make the most of it.”
So, how did I prevent the #fearface from happening in front of my audience?
Prepare just enough – drafting what I wanted to say, and some questions. I reviewed it a few times, but not to the point of being scripted
Do something relaxing – making jokes in the greenroom with my panel put me and the rest of the group in a good mood
Breathe, then smile – right before starting to speak, I took a deep breath or two, and then smiled. You can’t have #fearface and smile at the same time – it just doesn’t work
Roll with the punches – about 30 seconds into the panel, our lapel mics stopped working (it was a new location, after all), so I made a joke about it and started talking louder until we got a handheld microphone to share
The result of all this:
I made it through, and performed well enough to be invited back the next time they held a panel on workspace. And, more importantly, I have another example to think about when I’m signing ‘Future Katie’ up for new adventures. In fact, maybe I will book her a trip to South America to test these tactics against the immigrations #fearface!
What do you mean, be human? →
My first role after studying for an MBA was at a large company. About two years in, I had the opportunity to lead a team. This was exciting for me – I have always enjoyed leading, and working with teams. This team consisted of me, plus two junior associates in their first years out of college. One of my opening moves as team leader was to bring the small group together for a kickoff, and to tell them how much I looked forward to working together, and talk a little about my leadership style.
The first part of the conversation went as expected. I started the second part by saying, ‘to start with, I want us to be human together’. This was met with a long, awkward pause, and both of them looking at me like maybe I had suggested we hold our next fun event inside a volcano (which would be amazing by the way).
‘Uh….what do you mean, be human together?’ was finally asked.
Backing up, before pursuing my MBA degree, I worked at a start-up consulting firm. Four people when I joined, which doubled to eight over the next two years. Like many small companies, we were deeply engaged in each others’ whole lives.
We worked, went to happy hour, played softball, sang karaoke (badly) and celebrated life events together. We knew details about everyone on the team, and their significant others, and their kids, and their pets, and their parents, and cousins… we knew the big stuff, and the little stuff, the minutiae.
It wasn’t something that we spent a lot of time thinking about or actively working on, it was just our way of being. To me, this was normal. The puzzled looks from my new team reminded me that things were different at a bigger company, and to get to that same level of human-ness would take some work.
I tried a bunch of stuff – some worked, some didn’t.
What’s been effective:
Interact like people. Say hello when you get into the office and goodbye when you are leaving. Seriously – that is where I started. Even as a non-morning person, I make an effort to say good morning before diving into my laptop.
Use icebreakers that come with a story. Some of my favorites are ‘what was your most prized possession growing up’, ‘what was the last concert you attended’ and ‘what was the best thing delivered to your house in the last month’. People are quick to open up a little, if given the right prompt.
Spend time together, scheduled and unscheduled. This can be one on one meetings, down time at the desk, grabbing lunch or coffee, even traveling together. What’s important is to be present during these moments. That means no laptop. No phone. And often no agenda. Make the most of that carpool to a different office or event.
Find out what people care about outside the office. Ask what people do on the weekends, what activities and organizations they enjoy, what they are passionate about. If someone on your team is an avid hiker, forward that cool article on Virginia’s best views to her. Someone loves cats? Guess what….now your emails come with a grumpy cat meme enclosed.
Don’t just say it, show that you care. Send a birthday note, buy a housewarming gift, offer condolences and a hug. There is no formula, because everyone will have different life events, but make sure to acknowledge what’s going on in the human part of life. Put the important dates in your calendar, set a reminder to buy a card.
None of these are rocket science, but done consistently, these things help me to build real, human bonds with my team and colleagues.
What is a memorable being-human-at-work moment for you? How do you really get to know your team?