In 2022, I received terminal diagnoses for three separate cats. 

First, my ten-year-old cat’s cancer came back a year after her initial surgery. I knew this outcome was likely based on the prognosis after treatment, but it was still hard. 

A few months later, I adopted a 5-month old kitten. She had an upset stomach after a weekend at the cabin (I assumed she had eaten a bug). When I brought her to the vet I was shocked. 

She had Parvo, a deadly disease for kittens. The vet’s office went into a CDC-style lockdown and we said goodbye that same morning. 

I decided to get back on the horse and found a new feline companion. Things were great for a few months but when she was lethargic and didn’t eat for a few days, I took her to the vet. Again, expecting a normal young-cat ailment. 

Now the diagnosis was FIP. Another disease that kills cats and was terminal until a few years ago. 

My initial thought: this can’t be happening AGAIN. 

Thankfully, this time there was an unapproved treatment we could try. After 84 days of administering shots, we are well into the observation period and things are looking good for Winnie. 

All this happened when I was gearing up to start new things. I was midway through a career reset and getting ready to build businesses and make moves. 

I was pulled in two directions. One was into a pit of victimhood and despair and the other was a sense of light and purpose. It was nearly impossible for those two things to coexist and it felt like a tug of war to decide which was going to take over. The distraction of sadness or the excitement of building something new. 

I had to accept that it could be both. Neither outcome would win, because I would oscillate between the two.

This is the nature of living in paradox. 

It happens to everyone. We are happy about one thing and worried about another. We are completely engaged in a certain dimension of work and at the same time dreading the upcoming project. We are committed to supporting our team in their development goals and also looking for our own next role. 

Knowing that two (or more) things will happen at the same time is the art of navigating gray space. Especially now, I think most of us live here. For me, accepting that reality was the key that allowed me to move forward. 

**I accept my identity as a self-proclaimed ‘cat person’. Not because I have a houseful of cats, but because I deeply care for the one cat I have at any given time. Including pics of these three lovely ladies for my fellow cat people.